a hilarious chain of events
by falling winter roses
Summary: in which James breaks a leg and Lily gives birth / for qlfc


**a/n: FINALS ARE FINALLY OVER AAAAAHH!!****.****chaser 1, qlfc forum, puddlemere united****season seven, round four****main prompt:****"I don't know how I got stuck under there. It was just a … uh, hilarious chain of events."****optional prompts:****2\. (word) chivalrous****4\. (quote) "I reserve actual terror for only the most special of occasions." — Monstress, Marjorie Liu Sana Takeda****15\. (quote) "You two can show off to each other later. You're both very smart. Now shut up." — Skyward, Brandon Sanderson****word count: 1464****.**

_"Ow__!"_ James cursed, snatching his hand away. He'd been hammering in a nail when he'd accidentally hammered his own nail.

Sirius gave a dramatic sigh as James examined his swelling thumb. "Oh, Prongs, how you make me wonder at how you manage not to kill yourself when you stand."

"Oh, shut up."

Sirius feigned a look of great sorrow. "And after all I've done for you? Oh, my dear James!"

"You're an idiot."

"Hey, _I'm_ the one who got the shelf up."

"You're also the one that set the shelf on fire."

"It was an _accident!"_ Sirius defended himself. "And besides, I fixed it afterwards."

"Nope, that was me." Lily had appeared at the doorway, one hand protectively resting on her pregnant bosom.

"Oh yeah." Sirius scratched his head in exaggerated confusion.

Lily laughed. "You do know you can do magic, right? You two are wizards. Good ones. No matter how much you don't seem like it."

"Hey!" Sirius protested. "I seem like a good wizard."

"You really aren't," James cut in. "It's obvious I'm the superior wizard here. After all, _I_ can at least control my magic enough not to set a shelf on fire."

"At least I have enough coordination to hammer the right thing."

"At least I can do basic magic."

"Oi! What're you implying there?"

"I think you know very well exactly what I'm implying."

Lily glanced between the two of them, amused.

"You're a bloody _arse,_ Prongs."

"You're a bloody _idiot,_ Padfoot."

"Okay, you two," Lily sighed. "Get the room done already, would you?"

"_You're_ not helping," Sirius pointed out.

"_I'm_ pregnant."

"Your point?"

"My _point_ is that you two can show off to each other later. You're both very smart. Now shut up."

With that, Lily left the room, cooing to little baby Harry as she did so.

"Showing off?" James said in an indignant tone.

"Who said we were ever showing off?"

"As if I would ever want to show off to you."

"Hey! What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Boys, behave!" Lily called from the stairwell.

James and Sirius looked at each other for a moment before bursting into a round of sniggering laughter.

"Okay, well, maybe we should actually get some things done now."

"Yes. Good idea, Prongs. Absolutely brilliant."

Three hours later, Harry's nursery-to-be was nearly complete.

"Alrighty then," James sighed as he stepped back from the newly erected L-shaped shelf that stood in the center of the room. "One thing left, and then we're done. Except for the painting. I hate painting."

"Paint using magic, idiot," Sirius sniggered.

"I hate you."

"You _love_ me."

"I love Lily, not you, thank you very much."

"_Hmph_."

After much cursing, thought, and frustration, the two had decided on the final arrangement of the room. A week earlier, James had, along with Sirius, decided to take on the tedious task of furnishing Harry's future room. When they'd told Lily, full of boyish excitement at being able to have free reign of design to make this any boy's dream room, she'd simply started laughing. This had spurred them with the motivation to make Harry's room as perfect as possible.

"We need to move the seats over by the shelf," James decided. "Alright. Help me pick this bloody thing up."

They went to opposite ends of the small sofa to be placed in Harry's little 'reading corner' and picked it up together, grunting as they did so.

"Ow," James sighed. "Merlin, I haven't played Quidditch in forever. We should do that sometime."

"Hey, we should add Quidditch stuff in here!"

James' eyes widened. "Merlin! I can't believe I didn't think of that! Padfoot, you are an absolute _genius."_

He made to rush out the door, but Sirius had been holding the sofa low while James had been holding it rather high, and James, with unnaturally poor coordination, dropped the sofa first.

The sofa therefore dropped on his left leg, and James went down with a horribly high-pitched scream that was maybe a bit too girly.

_Crack._

"James broke something," Sirius announced.

Lily came rushing up the stairs and into the room, panting heavily as she came in. "Oh Merlin. James? James, are you all right?" She bent down by the groaning man.

Sirius sighed and left the room, presumably to get a drink for the two of them once James had gotten his bones together again.

"You should probably lift the sofa," James said as Sirius' footsteps faded.

"But that'll hurt."

"So what are you gonna do? Magically mend my snapped bones through the sofa?"

Lily sighed and drew her wand. _"Wingardium Leviosa!"_ The sofa immediately lifted, and James growled in barely suppressed pain as blood suddenly rushed downwards.

"Lily…"

"Oops, sorry," she said, her voice coming out unnaturally high. "Um, James?"

"Lil?"

"My water just broke."

James' eyes bugged. "Lily!"

Lily stood shakily, and James almost screeched when he saw the growing bloodstain on the pale blue carpet. _"LILY!"_

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine," Lily repeated. "Oh, Merlin. Oh Merlin, James, _where's the Healer?"_ She swayed, and James shot to his feet, barely registering the sharp shock of pain that shot up his leg.

"Lily!"

Lily doubled over, supporting herself on the frame of Harry's crib.

"James, you need to get a bloody Healer!"

James looked around the room wildly, as if a Healer might possibly be hiding behind the furniture.

Then he remembered that he was, in fact, a wizard, and there was a thing called Apparition.

"I'll be back," he told a terrified Lily. With a crack, he Disapparated, appearing once again in the main area of St. Mungo's. He teetered, and after a long swaying moment fell to the ground. Healers rushed to his side.

"My wife," he croaked. "My wife—"

One of the Healers muttered an incantation, and the pain in his leg disappeared. A few moments later it was replaced with an odd tingling as another Healer muttered another incantation.

"My wife is having a baby," he croaked.

The Healers didn't seem to hear him. Most had already drifted off to some other patient. It was only a broken bone. They'd seen worse.

"My wife is having a baby," he said louder. "We need—"

"Sir, we're going to fix you up right good," one of the Healers said, glancing at his friend, who rolled his eyes.

"My wife is having a baby," he interrupted.

"What now?"

_"My wife is having a baby!"_ he exclaimed.

"...Oh."

"We need a maternity Healer," he barreled onwards. "I had to Apparate here to get one—"

"It's alright, sir, we'll get one. Where do you live?"

"I can Apparate them there—"

"No, you have to stay here."

James sighed. "Bring one over here. I'll tell them."

A minute later James was situated in a bed and a maternity Healer had come over.

"Alright, Mister, I'll be taking care of your wife if you'll tell me where you—"

James grabbed her wrist and Apparated on the spot.

They reappeared to Lily still doubled over in pain. After a moment Sirius came through the open doorway and stopped short in surprise.

"Um."

"Out, out, out of the way," the initially started Healer grumbled. She bustled over to Lily's side and gestured for the two men to leave, then drew her wand and conjured a bed before lifting Lily onto it.

"Merlin," James sighed as they left the room. "That was a rush."

"Your leg is still broken," Sirius pointed out.

"No," James said, attempting to seem nonchalant. "My leg's fine."

"From the way you screamed like a girl earlier, your leg wasn't fine."

James waved a hand in his face. "That was just for show. I reserve _actual_ terror for only the most special of occasions."

"Oh really?"

"Of course."

Hours later, James stood over Lily's bed, cradling his newborn baby in his arms.

"He has your eyes," he murmured.

"And your hair," Lily laughed.

"That's true."

Lily patted the bed beside her and James laid down beside her, gently placing baby Harry on the bed between them.

"So, I was quite the courageous knight back there, Apparating all the way to St. Mungo's with my broken leg like that."

"Quite chivalrous of you."

"Mhm."

"Speaking of your broken leg… how did that even happen?"

James chuckled. "I, uh… I don't know how I got stuck under there. It was just a… uh, a hilarious chain of events."

"Hilarious chain of events?" Lily raised an eyebrow. "Do tell."

"I'd rather not."

Baby Harry rolled over onto his side to face his father. James laughed and reached over a finger that the baby boy readily grasped in his tiny fist.

"Ah, baby Harry," he sighed. "What a hilarious chain of events it was that ended with you."


End file.
